About Me

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I am a mother of one with a background in public relations and communications, and a degree in Psychology. Before becoming a mom I was very career focused and traveled across Canada working for the Canadian Forces before moving to a job with the Yukon government in order to settle down. This blog is about my transition from working bee to full-time mom and maybe back again. It's also about what it means to be a mom and a home maker.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

So I Think I Can Dance

Well, no. I don't actually think I can dance, but I'd like to learn, as part of my ongoing childhood dream. And that's why tonight, I took my first adult Jazz dance class. I'm always busting a move to keep Kaitlyn entertained so the other day I thought, why not? Then, while I was at my class, I found out that the musical Chicago will be playing at our little local theatre next Spring, auditions in December. Well if that isn't serendipity I don't know what is.

Let me take a step back and talk about that dream. Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed about singing on stage. Literally dreamed about being up there, a huge audience and everyone listening to me, and it always feels so good. I wake up excited and energized; I feel like this is what I was always meant to do. No stage fright in those dreams. Real life is a different story; I won't even sing karaoke. But last year while I was running for Rendezvous Queen I got up on a stage and sang a song that I had written. A capella. It was possibly the most terrifying thing I've ever done but I've also never been so proud of myself.

So now there's a musical that I'd love to be in, and I've already decided to work on my dance moves. All I have to do is convince myself to audition in December. I've taken one step towards that secret stage dream that I've held close all my life, all I have to do is tell myself that I can do it.

Robert Fulghum has a story about how, when we are children, we can do everything. When we are asked if we can dance, sing, act, draw, or climb mountains we always answer "Yes! Of course I can! Let me show you!" As adults we move to saying "Well, not really. Not professionally. Just in the shower." If nothing else, when Kaitlyn eventually asks me if I can dance, I'll be able to answer "Yes, of course! Let me show you!" and then bust out my moves like Jagger.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Letting go of an identity

Two years ago I put on my Canadian Forces (CF) uniform for my last day of work and got ready to start a job with the Government of Yukon. I was making the switch because I had the opportunity to become part of a different component of the reserves and it meant I couldn't hold my current job. It was a great opportunity and I was so excited, it was the culmination of years of experience and both CF and civilian schooling. I knew there was a strong chance that I would have to do some extra training, which I was more than willing to do, but first I had to wait for an assessment. So I waited.

Time went by and in the meantime life moved on. I had a baby and started making plans for more, at least one if not two. Two years later the decision has come back that I will need to do 14 consecutive weeks of training away, to be completed within the next two years. It would mean three months away from my young daughter as well as putting plans for more babies on hold. So far, I have spent no more than four hours away from Kaitlyn and I can't imagine the idea of spending a night away let alone three months!

I know that all over the world women have to spend time away from their families in order to serve. I know this and as I've been making my decision it's something that I keep repeating to myself. I'm not the only one that has ever had to leave their family. Others have to give so much more in service to their country. But my heart argues that service in the reserves shouldn't be such a hardship. The idea of volunteering shouldn't be so heartbreaking.

I have spent more than half my life in a uniform of some kind, affiliated with the CF first as a cadet and then as a cadet instructor and as a public affairs officer. I have put so much time and energy into this part of my life. Being in uniform is more than half of my identity, it is what has shaped me as a person for more than 18 years. It has opened so many doors, influenced every decision I've ever made and is, to be honest, the only place I have felt like I properly belonged. It is where I have formed almost all of my friendships and relationships. So it's with a heavy heart and a heavy mind that I've decided to pass on the opportunity to make that transfer and instead become inactive, similar to releasing.

I won't be putting on a uniform again for a long time, if ever, because I can't bring myself to let go of my role as mother for long enough to do it. My priority in life right now is to be the best mother I can be and that means not going away. It's the first time I've had to let go of something that I wanted because of motherhood and despite the fact that my daughter is the most important thing in my life, it's the hardest decision I've ever made.

Accepting the award for Top Candidate on the Reserve Basic Public Affairs Officer Course in 2009

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bring on the big thighs!

I just read an article in Psychology Today (I will post it as soon as they have a link on their site) and I am so excited. I have never read and article that made me feel so good about myself. Unfortunately it's in the guise of what men find attractive but here's the gist of it...

The fat in your hips and thighs that you can't rid of is there to make your baby's brain grow.

Seriously. I have never loved my thighs so much, though I've hated them most of my life. If I had ever been asked what my least favourite body part is I would have definitely said my thighs. They're not huge by any standard but I once, very briefly, considered what it would cost to liposuction them and get those skinny thighs that would look good in short shorts. If only I had known what I just learned. This article should be required reading for all teenage girls. 

So here it is: The fat that is stored in your thighs is fat that you can't get rid of, except during the last few months of pregnancy and through breastfeeding. That's because we store DHA (an omega-3 fat) in our thighs, a very important fat for growing baby brains. It's a fat that we can't make, and we can't get enough in our daily diet to give what our little bundles need, so we store it up over the years as we get ready for the day we become moms. So embrace those thighs, stock up on omega-3 fats and get those babies growing!

Other interesting excerpts: The total amount of fat that a normal, healthy, trim young woman carries is seven times that of other animals. Only bears ready to hibernate, penguins facing a sunless winter without food, or whales swimming in arctic waters have fat percentages that approach ours.

One reason American women may have bigger thighs and bottoms than 40 years ago is that the food we eat is no longer as rich in omega-3 and DHA, requiring more fat to store as much as we need for future babies. The loss comes from beef and other animals that we eat, or eat by-products of, being force-fed corn and grains rather than their natural diet of grass. Because there's aren't as many omega-3 fats, we're less satisfied and eat more food.

And for those who are interested, the model that men are most attracted to has bigger thighs and hips with a small waist as opposed to the skinny-model figure that so many women strive for. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy Little Pills

I just read an article in Maclean's about diagnosing kids with ADHD when they might just be immature for their class and I just had to write about it. This issue really irks me because I firmly believe that the abundance of ADHD diagnoses out there is a result of the combination of poor parenting and overworked teachers. I am also firmly against medicating children this way.

While working with the Air Cadet Program, I used to run summer courses for 12-13 year olds. In one summer I had three groups of 33 children. Each group was from a different area of BC and when we went camping it was up to me to make sure they got any prescribed medications. In the group from Greater Vancouver, 11 of those 33 were medicated for ADHD. Another girl was on Effexor, an antidepressant that I took during a tumultuous time in my mid-twenties. Thirteen. Years. Old. She was half my size and was on the same dosage that I was. I know from experience that that particular drug is highly addictive and hard to get off of. If I missed my dose by even an hour I was subject to severe vertigo and nausea. I was with these kids for two weeks straight and I can tell you that every single one of them was perfectly pleasant and thrived in the pseudo-military environment of the cadet camp. Structured classes, calling people by their ranks and marching didn't seem to present a problem to any of them and I suspect it didn't have a lot to do with the medication.

I don't know a lot about ADHD and I am certain that there are cases where this is a true problem that requires some form of treatment but I think that if parents spent a little more time with their kids, teaching them things like self-discipline and paying attention to their needs, and if teachers weren't so overworked and exhausted that their first reaction to a kid not raising his hand is calling the parents or begging for them to be medicated, there would be fewer diagnosed cases of a disorder that most kids eventually grow out of. And while we're at it, how about some serious, unsupervised old-fashioned time playing outside? I don't think it's a coincidence that the most medicated group was the kids from the city.